Guilt of a Darkened Heart
by Ladybug1818
Summary: Based off of episode 2x18. What if Snow approached wanting to die differently, and more desperately? What if after she went to Regina's home, she still had a strong urge to die? Rated T for possible triggers.


Regina didn't kill her.

Well, it isn't like Regina didn't want to kill her. Regina wanted her to suffer.

But Snow was done with suffering.

She now had black in her heart, and there was no going back.

Snow couldn't deal with the deed she had done.

She, Snow White, fairest of them all, killed Cora.

She killed a person.

So Snow was pretty much unstable right now.

Regina shut the door on her face, and the instant that happened, Snow ran to the forest. She needed this to be over-she couldn't deal with the guilt she was facing.

Meanwhile, Henry was walking through town after drinking a warm hot cocoa at Granny's. He was about to go see if he could convince Emma to go back to Granny's with him later that evening for dinner between the two of them. Henry heard frantic footsteps, and turned to see Mary Margaret running, and was able to see the tears in her eyes. He wasn't sure why she was crying. He was about to see if he could try to talk to her, and find out what was wrong, but he had a feeling she wouldn't tell Henry, whatever it was that was bothering her. She would only trust one person completely. Charming.

Snow ran and ran. It started to rain, but not just drizzling rain. This was a storm. The kind of rain where you can't see five feet in front of you because it is raining so hard. Due to this unfortunate storm going on, she tripped over a branch and fell into the dirt, quickly becoming mud. She was a hysteric mess at this point. She was cold, wet, and now dirty on top of the immense guilt she felt. She thought she needed a afternoon alone, but she needed something more. Something long lasting. Something that would help her avoid that hurt and guilt. She suddenly had an idea where to go.

The cliff.

When Charming found out about what Henry saw, he was instantly worried. His mind was flooded with fear and terror, and he had no idea what Snow was going to do. Based on how she acted that morning, it couldn't be good.

He was worried about her even before she left the house. Her behavior that morning was so strange in comparison to how she normally acted. In the mornings, he was normally greeted with a smile and a cinnamon hot cocoa every day. Yet, this morning, she was missing the light in her eyes. She didn't smile, nor offer hot cocoa, and he knew his kind, sweet, beautiful wife was not okay.

Charming ran out of their apartment before Henry could even finish his sentence. He knew something was up with her that morning.

He had a bad feeling about this.

She stood down at the foot of the cliff, pondering if she really should do this. If she really should end it. But then she felt the rain on her, making her damp clothes stick to her small frame, and was reminded of the fact that she killed Cora. Despite Cora being evil and malicious, she still killed someone. She remembers the darkness inside her heart and Regina's face when she saw her mother die in her arms, and was disgusted with herself.

She lets the rain fall on her. She lets her tears flow.

She takes one last look at the sky, and the birds, and the trees.

She stays still for a moment, drinking in the sounds of the pouring rain and the animals, and breathes the slightly chill air one last time.

She stands up, and walks to the edge.

Charming ran faster than he ever did in his long life.

He told Henry to stay with Emma, and for him not to worry. He didn't think this was something Henry should see, nor Emma. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to see it.

So he ran, and ran, and ran. He ran through the rain, slipping multiple times, and he can see the clearing where he believed she was.

He got to the cliff, and saw her standing on the edge.

And his heart stopped when he saw her jump.

She jumped.

She didn't regret it, which was the worst part. She would possibly give Regina peace, and she wouldn't cause anymore problems to anyone in her life. After all, that's all she did cause, or so she thought.

But mid jump, she realized she had an unexpected visitor.

She heard her husband scream her name. But it was too late for her to turn back.

Charming sprinted forward, and tried to stop her from jumping. It was too late to stop the jump, but it wasn't too late to save her.

So he dove into the edge of the cliff and grabbed her hand at just the right moment.

She felt his hand grab hers. She didn't die. She felt herself slowly be pulled up, and once she was pulled up, she was wrapped in her husband's arms.

He saved her. His Snow tried to jump off of a cliff. His beautiful Snow could have died if he got there a minute too late. He was at an utter loss for words.

That was the scariest thing he ever witnessed. He pulled her up, and enveloped her into his arms, afraid he would lose her again. Her clothes were soaked and she was trembling from fear or the cold, or possibly both. He rocked her back and forth in his embrace, desperate to keep her safe, and shield her from the rain in hopes that she wouldn't get sick.

"Snow..oh my gosh, Snow.." He whispered into her hair, tears falling from his eyes. "What would ever possess you to do something like this?"

She was silent. That silence scared Charming. She was normally so open and readable, but for once, Charming couldn't tell what was going on in her head.

"Snow…please…please tell me. I need to know what made you feel this way so I can fix it. Please."

She spoke in a voice that was raspy from crying, almost afraid to speak up and voice her thoughts.

"I killed her. I killed Cora." She was silent again for a moment, saw Charming's puzzled look, and then continued. "I went to Regina's house to confront her. I asked her to kill me. She refused to kill me, and she ripped my heart out. When she pulled my heart out...it was beginning to get darker and darker, and I couldn't take it. I felt so much guilt and I just couldn't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore." She broke off in a sob, and put her head into his neck and cried, sobs wracking her body.

Charming's heart broke more and more with each word she spoke, and then completely shattered. His own wife was going insane over the amount of guilt she felt, to the point where she wanted to die. Did she have any idea what she meant to him? If she died, his world would have no light in it. Snow was his everything-his sole purpose of living. He would have nothing to live for!

Then he thought about what would have happened if he made it a moment too late. His Snow would have flung herself off of the cliff and fallen to her death. His eyes pooled with tears. He was brought back to reality when he felt her start to shiver again.

He never thought that his Snow would feel so horrible that she would try to kill herself. She was strong, possibly more emotionally strong than him. At this thought, more tears fell from his eyes.

"Snow...you're freezing. Lets get you home and warm and then we can talk about this." He said to her, wrapping his jacket around her in a desperate attempt to keep her warm.

She nodded her head slightly, and put on his jacket. The scent of his cologne surrounded her and she felt instantly safer. They walked through the forest and eventually got back home, to the apartment. Emma and Henry weren't home at the moment, and he assumed that Emma got the message that it might not be a good idea to go home for a few hours. Right now more than ever, he just needed alone time with his Snow.

She stood in the doorway, almost foreign in her own home, and not quite sure what to do. She looked lost.

Charming led her to the bed, and sat her down. He gave her pajama pants and one of his shirts, and let her change out of the damp clothes that she was in for a while. He hoped that she didn't catch a cold from being out in the rain…

Anyhow, he got the warmest blankets and made 2 cups of hot tea for the both of them, and sat down next to her on the bed. They lied down and she instantly cuddled into Charming, as if she was afraid of losing him. He stroked her hair for a few moments, and just let silence fall in-between them. Then Charming spoke, and asked a question he feared the answer to.

"Snow...I know that this was only a few hours ago, but do you still wished you jumped?"

Another heavy silence fell over the room, and then a faint whisper.

"Yes…"

"Oh Snow…" he whispered into her hair, with tears in his eyes yet again. "Why do you wish that?"

"I...I..I just want this guilt to end. My heart is blackened and I don't know what else to do to get rid of it. It's hopeless. I'm hopeless. With black in my heart, I have no reason to live." She said into Charming's shoulder, where her head currently lied. She felt the sharp intake of breath he took, and looked up at him, questioningly.

"Snow, you're not hopeless. You will never be hopeless. I am almost positive that the black in your heart will go away. You never intended for anything bad to happen, and the fact that you feel this much guilt proves it. Snow, do you have any idea how much you mean to me? You are my reason to live. You get me through points in my life where I need someone, now let me be your rock and help you through this difficult time for you. Please." Charming said, tears pooling in his eyes yet again. A single tear fell from his eye, and he closed his eyes, trying not to completely break down for the sake of Snow. He felt her delicate hand wipe away that tear, and she placed her hand on his chest and cuddled in closer, if it was even possible for them to be any closer.

"I'm sorry Charming...I was so stupid and selfish. I should have talked to you before doing anything rash like I did earlier. I am so sorry." Snow said, voice barely above a whisper, as she was almost afraid to speak out in fear of someone else hearing, despite nobody being home.

"Never apologize Snow. But please come talk to me next time. I love you too much to allow anything to happen to you." Charming said, touching their foreheads together.

"I promise that I will come talk to you next time I feel like this. I love you too, Charming." She said, drifting off towards the end of her sentence, but Charming could tell she was trying to stay awake for him.

"Snow, darling, go to sleep. You've had a long day. I promise I will be here when you wake up." Charming said to her, lovingly.

"Ok..I love you too…" She said, yawning at the end. She placed her head on Charming's chest, Charming wrapped his arms around her, and she was out like a light. He felt her soft breathing, and little signs of contentness, and was instantly comforted, and he started to doze off. He took one final look at the peaceful expression on her beautiful face, and finally fell asleep, his head resting on hers.

Emma and Henry came home later that night. Henry did end up convincing Emma to get dinner at the diner with him, after all. Emma and Henry took a brief glance at Emma's parents sleeping in such a loving, peaceful manner, and knew that whatever had happened would end up healing itself, because in the end, they all had each other.


End file.
